A rogue journalist slipped his chains escaping the content creation cube farm. On the run traversing the arterial highways of America, these are the Travels without Charley.

Upon hearing the confessions of the depraved, Las Vegas priests have developed PTSD from the heavy burden of glorious vice thrust upon their unimaginative shoulders.

In saunas we embrace sweltering heat to sweat out toxins, in moodily lit rooms we light incense to smoke out the bad energy, we drown ourselves in mysterious juices to cleanse our body- from upper cheeks to lower cheeks- of all that is foul within us. To rid ourselves of the vile we double down on temporary suffering to see the purge through. Did you know we perform controlled burns in forests so the vegetation will grow back healthier, fuller than ever before? Las Vegas is the controlled burn of our rotting virtues.

Sex, drugs, alcohol, and wanton self-destruction are the tools for the ultimate cleanse.

• Marry a stranger in a chapel drive thru, divorce them the next day taking a shot at the sanctity of life partnership
• Sign up for underground cage fighting for community service hours
• Take acid before entering meow wolf to see if it counteracts the trippy atmosphere providing a normal supermarket experience or does it vastly raise the intensity
• Pray to the 40-foot, fire spewing praying mantis
• Beg for change at a streetlight then bet it all at the last remaining sigma derby machine
• Stand on a soapbox professing the sins of others to hide your own
• Try to pet a flamingo
• Hire a sex worker merely to hear her stories, acquiring new ideas for your own debauchery
• Hold up a long coffee line during morning rush hour while counting out correct change

Cleanse

Cleanse

Cleanse

Get it all out of your system so upon returning from whence you came you can once again adorn your halo.

Las Vegas translates as “The Meadows.” Without doing any research we believe it was once a lush, fertile forest rivaling ancient Eden but weighed down by the offloading of sin it has become the sacrificial lamb to our sheepish nation.

This is not a place to be feared and loathed. It needs to be braved and cherished.

Viva la revolucion! Wait, no. I mean… Viva Las Vegas!