Some like to sew. A few build vast lifelike dioramas for model trains to chug along endlessly. Others find serenity in a gym workout. But by far, humanity’s favorite hobby is to cosplay as Chicken Little and profess the glory of the end times.

Rookie health lifestylists will meal prep for a week, doomsday preppers will be good for decades. Further, after interviewing no professionals, we’ve discovered the best way to burn calories is to worry and lose sleep over potential doom right around the corner.

Humanity ensures the apocalyptic holiday stays fresh using the same strategy it uses to keep the youth from ever affording a home. Keep moving the goal posts to make sure it’s unobtainable. Like tripping a marathon runner nearing the finish line.

• 1^st century AD- The Essene sect of Jews saw the Jewish uprising against the Romans as the end times battle.
• 4^th century AD- French Bishop Martin of Tours stated, “there is no doubt that the Antichrist has already been born.”
• 6^th century AD- Multiple soothsayers predicted the return of Jesus in 500 AD. When it didn’t happen, using a managerial power move, one predicter changed his date to 800 AD.
• 13^th century AD- Pope Innocent III predicted the apocalypse would begin 666 years after the rise of Islam. When this prediction fell short it turned out he wasn’t too innocent.
• 14^th century AD- A huge revival of the apocalyptic hobby was brought about by the black plague.
• 17^th century AD- Mathematician John Napier using the tried-and-true method of mental gymnastics decided based on the Book of Revelation the apocalypse was now! When the world was less than doomed, he changed his prediction to the year 1700 AD.

And on and on and on to modern times.

• 2000 AD- Who can forget such a memorable Apocalypse cosplay moment like Y2K! The baby steps of robot revolution.
• 2012 AD- The fun year where we miscalculated the ending of the Mayan calendar and partied believing an asteroid that wasn’t there would hit the planet soon.

In this more accepting world the apocalypse prefers to go by its transitioned name, Ragnarok.

If the Ragnarok was a Vegas casino, the house has won every single hand but there is much more to look forward to as the dealer reshuffles our fears.

We still have some Nostradamus predictions to lose sleep over coming up in the 23th century. A bunch of people decided to misinterpret a comment by Isaac Newton so they can believe in a doomsday coming up in 2060 and if that is too long to wait, the Messiah Foundation International says the world is ending in 2026! Boy oh boy! Right around the corner.

With all this apocalypse talk we must not forget the famous Canadian saying, YOLO, you only live once! Unless of course you believe in reincarnation, then you live a bunch of times.

While those whom enjoy partaking in this hobby are demographically diverse, we believe the most enthusiastic of hobbyists are the same people who hit the stop button while microwaving food when the countdown is already at two seconds. Will mankind ever learn the lesson that premature is never truly satisfying?

And remember, for the impatient there is always the opportunity to speed run the hobby through a suicide cult but be warned, they usually have a waiting list for all those dying to get in.

The next time the economy dips, world leaders make passive aggressive comments towards one another, science accidentally makes a sequel to Lyme Disease, Canadians deride Americans while oppressing First Nations, or NASA spots an asteroid, you too can board the Chicken Little train while we all toss, turn, lose sleep and scream in frustration in ode to our loco-motives.