The president just placed “reciprocal” tariffs on penguin dominated islands under a plan he justifiably calls Liberation Day. For too long penguins have been skating on thin ice. Humanity, rejoice! We should be praising these tariffs. Here’s why:

In 1959, over 50 nations signed a treaty banning arms, mining and human land ownership in Antarctica effectively founding a penguin empire.

Berlin, 2022, nations from all over the world voted in favor of giving penguins protection status essentially putting them above the law. Bloodless coup after bloodless coup, these flightless birds are looking down at us, laughing at our gullibility while we continue to fall victim to their diabolical mechanizations. Like all penguins, something smells fishy.

If you ever wondered why the United Kingdom fights so diligently to hold on to Scotland then look no further than Nils Olav. A penguin with the rank of Major General, Sir Olav is a military power unto himself, a worthy foe to the Queen’s Guard. Olav isn’t just any penguin; he’s a KING penguin. Is it any wonder the Royal family mimics the monarchal structure of the most dominant species on the planet? The slightest sign of weakness and Nils will take Scotland as a subservient penguin colony.

There are signs everywhere if we would only look, pay heed to the warnings.

We’re assuming Cameron Monaghan had Hollywood insider information when he said, “Penguin is this interesting figure within the city of Gotham… has worked in the shadows and publicly… skirted the line between lawful and completely chaotic or villainous…risen… in the ways that pretty much no other character can dream of.”

Actor James Tupper sees nothing but futility trying to negotiate with the menace at our doorstep. “You can’t train a penguin to act. You kind of have to take what you get.”

Japanese tennis player Kei Nishikori is overcome with envy in the face of the penguin threat, “it’s a little bit embarrassing to say but…I wanted to be a penguin.”

One of our largest human book publishers/ distributors is called Penguin. They control our media!

And if you think their land grab would end with the conquering of Antarctica then I ask you, why does Tasmania have a town named Penguin?

These old humans running our governments, why do they waddle?

Barred from the open pastures of the sky thanks to Darwin’s evolution scheme that robbed them of their flight, Penguins have retaliated with an insatiable hunger to control our lands. If you think our democracy is safe, then I ask you, why do they call themselves Emperor Penguins?

We are fooling ourselves if we think the True Cold War is over…