Regret can come in many shapes and sizes.

Upon reflection we find the buried teachings like forgotten acorns. Sometimes the greatest of lessons can be dug out of seemingly innocent scenarios like giving a muffin to a moose.

For those not familiar If You Give a Moose a Muffin is about a young child who seeks to do the right thing and feeds a muffin to a moose. The moose then asks for a glass of milk and then comes inside and then and then and then… You see where this is going. The demands kept escalating not unlike the ongoing production of weapons during the Cold War between the USA and USSR.

If nuclear warheads were muffins both the USA and USSR couldn’t get enough and needed a glass of milk. (submarines)

And so, while both countries kept baking more and more muffins in their easy bake ovens, we came closer and closer to a nuclear apocalypse.

In steps Vasili Arkipov. The man that saved the world.

Due to a false alarm, Vasili’s submarine was commanded to launch a nuclear missile at the United States. Against the wishes of superior officers, Vasili did not launch the nuke. He knew to withhold the muffin and circumvented WWIII.

The moose and the muffin are a universal truth. For those of us who do not personally possess nuclear weapons, muffins can come in many forms:

-Have you ever been 10 MPH over the speed limit and the car behind you is still on your ass?

-Ever spend hours making a home cooked meal and guests complain you didn’t also make dessert?

-Ever give someone a hug and then they took it as a sign of interest and now they have an unhealthy crush on you?

-Ever give 110% at work so now management has higher expectations for you compared to your coworkers?

These are all muffins that you should never have fed to others. Stop feeding muffins to moose, it’s not part of their natural diet. Just leave the moose alone and don’t make eye contact.

The moose and muffin predecessor, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie was published in 1985. In 1991 it was translated into Russian and published in The Tram. The dissemination of If You Give A Mouse a Cookie in Moscow was probably a driving factor that led to the official end of the USSR in December 1991.

Imagine peoples of Russia standing up to those mice and moose. Speaking clearly and directly: ‘We’re keeping our cookies and muffins’ they chant in a packed Red Square while holding up their glasses of milk. (Probably vodka)