Every fall in the Northeast United States, birds migrate south to warmer climates and humans migrate to apple orchards. Amidst hay bales, cider donuts and the occasional apple, humans celebrate the end of summer by picking fruit that will probably go bad at their house and need to be thrown away. How about them apples?
For thousands of years this human migration was relatively secret to the greater public but thanks to social media the extent of human migration to apple orchards has finally been laid bare. September and October social media news feeds are littered with men and women in plaid shirts, boots and jeans. In these pictures they are either standing in front of trees filled with unpicked apples or picking a single apple. I’m assuming this is to mimic the original apple picked in the garden of Eden.
Important to note, the bible never specifies the kind of apple Adam and Eve ate. If it was Red Delicious their decision makes perfect sense but if they ate of a Granny Apple then the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze.
Apple orchards also seem to act as a sort of second baptism as couples with little humans around the ages of 1 to 4 want to expose their child to the apple orchard migration so they can carry on the tradition for decades to come.
Surprisingly, most apple migration seasons see no doctors protesting outside of orchards. Considering an apple a day keeps the doctor away you would think doctors would be up in arms protesting this discrimination. One can’t help but compare the doctor/ apple dynamic to the vampire/ garlic scenario.
Isaac Newton is considered the first to feel the call of the apple migration. His migration led to an apple falling on his head and Isaac developing the concept of gravity. I’m assuming philosophers still debate to this day whether it was an accident or the apple was maliciously trying to hurt Isaac.
This potential violence of apples cannot be overlooked. Based on a random article I found on the internet and did not check for credibility, apples are a leading cause of choking for children. This throws a whole new light on the annual apple migration. Maybe it’s a rite meant to appease the apple lords and make them less violent towards humans?
The saying the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is probably a threat pertaining to an apple defending its territory. You get close to that tree and the apple will kamikaze dive bomb you.
Migrating to an orchard is always an exciting experience full of action and adventure and good times. According to social media which never seems to capture the crazy parking situation. There’s plenty to do at an orchard, pick apples, take pictures with apples, drink apple cider, buy apple candles and sometimes you can feed some sheep. Which activity is the best? It’s really hard to decide, it’s like comparing apples to oranges.