The Ancient Greeks never wore pants because they equated it with savagery. Fast forward to modern day and in every hedge fund on Wallstreet you’ll find countless employees all wearing slacks. Utter and complete savagery. A single nation of the old world wore pants, The Persians. Which brings us to today’s ancient war resurrected. Persians Vs Spartans. Wallstreet Vs Pants-less degenerates in front of their home computers.
The Battle of Thermopylae. In 480 BC, The Persian fleet landed on Greek shores ready to conquer a small, unprepared nation. The Persians sought to crush the freedom of democracy while it was still in its infancy. For 3 days, 300 Spartan warriors (and some friends) held off the entire Persian army numbering over 200,000. They hedl the line so the nation behind them could mobilize for war and eventually claim victory a couple years later. This battle has been popularized in the Zack Snyder movie 300.
History now repeats itself.
The Battle of GME. Persia reborn, the modern wealth of Wallstreet thought it could outmaneuver and overpower a bunch of pants-less degenerates. What they didn’t count on was how much free time and passion these degenerates had while their wives were occupied with their boyfriends. Armed with financial knowledge and memes, this ragtag band of apes hodl the line and refuse to sell GME stock. They practice the same credo as the Spartans; your shield protects the soldier next to you. Hodl the line.
Why don’t these degenerates where pants you ask? It’s simple. Their balls are too big to fit in them.
This is the 1980 Miracle on Ice and Wallstreet’s the USSR hockey team.
This is the Wright Brothers Vs Sam Langley. The Reddit Degenerates are the Wright Brothers taking flight first and going straight to the moon.
Will Wile E Coyote finally catch the Roadrunner?
Whether guacamole, queso or salsa, buy the dip.
Times are tough. Over the past couple decades wealth has been slipping through the hands of the many and concentrating in the pockets of the few. This can be seen in many different aspects of society. For example, the first generation of Pokemon had 151 pocket monsters while generation 8 only had a mere 89 new pocket monsters. Or the scam of predatory student loan compound interest rates backed by our very own government. Or minimum wage not keeping up with economic inflation. Or the skyrocketing pay of CEOs and company executives far outpacing the wage increases of the average worker. Apes can take a lot of abuse but if you’ve seen the most popular ape-centric movie ever created, the 1995 movie Congo, you know there comes a point when apes fight back. Maybe one day they can take the whole planet.
Battling internally in a capitalist society is not about bloodshed. It’s about a different kind of bleeding, blood transfusion in the form of wealth transfer. Did you know the United States government couldn’t afford the construction of the Statue of Liberty so it was the people, from coast to coast, a penny at a time, who financed one of our greatest symbols of freedom?
Stocks fall and rise but the line has hedl and weathered the storm…so far. If the dip sinks so far down you can’t even see the light of the sun, apes will rally behind the words of Herodotus:
“Good, then we’ll fight in the shade.”
The stock split but the investors didn’t. They hedl.
My father always used to tell me the sky’s the limit. To crush my dreams of being an astronaut. But it looks like we’ll be going to the moon anyways.