In the argument over heavens and hells, limbo is oft neglected. And yet, it is limbo we love spending most of our time. Endlessly scrolling through social media, binge watching tv shows, sitting in standstill traffic, cleaning the dishes only for them to immediately start piling up, joyless slot machines, spinning classes that get us nowhere, self-checkouts that are having trouble reading the barcode so you swipe and swipe and swipe to no avail and wonder if you should just toss it in your bag because it’s not on you anymore, you tried to pay for it but the machine just wasn’t having it. Yes these are all the things we enjoy while we’re waiting for the next latest and greatest cat picture. Purrgatory.
Which leads us to our favorite thing to add to in purgatory. The list. At present, there are 8 billion people on the planet (which makes no sense because we don’t have 8 billion followers). All these people go about doing stuff to occupy their mind and distract themselves from the impending doom that will one day embrace us all. Think Bill & Ted’s grim reaper playing hide and seek with us our entire life and then wins at the end. This behavior is interesting in that it really isn’t about the activity but rather about telling people to do the activity you just completed.
Oh you really have to try this new restaurant. It’s to die for.
There’s just nothing like skydiving you really have to try it.
This tastes gross, try it.
I’ve been going to hot goat yoga for years now you just have to give it a chance. It’s so hot the goats are fully cooked by the end of class for a free lunch!
You’ve never been on a cruise! You’ll love it, it’s like being stuck in a hotel full of strangers while a neverending small earthquake rocks you back and forth. Plus the water has sharks! Just like the sharks that circled the USS Indianapolis during WW2.
I know you only like romcoms but if you just go see all 70 hours of the ongoing superhero epic chainlinked through so many movies you’ll just love it.
It took alien anthropologists awhile to truly understand this human ritual but eventually they got it. It’s not about genuinely suggesting ideas to people. It’s about the other person then responding with, “I’ll add it to the list.”
Important to note, the list title is never specified. The list remains nameless and ever growing because none of us truly know what the list is nor do we know its exact location. The list lies in limbo like a hidden El Dorado. Except instead of a city of gold, it’s a city of banal activities we’ll never get around to completing.
Of course, there is the real concern of what if we’re being tricked into making this list for the residents of purgatory such as the Greek Philosophers who existed before the time of Jesus C? Is Plato jet-skiing through the river Styx and checking the activity off the list for us? Do we have a symbiotic relationship with purgatory?
The ritual takes on a Hammurabi’s Code mystique. You suggest an activity then I’ll suggest an activity and we’ll add both of them to the list never to be spoken of again. Tit for tat. Activity for activity. Eye for an eye.
Remember to recommend this article to all of your friends. So they can add it to the list.