“Hey Girl, can I get your number?” A question asked quite often to women when they dare venture out into public spaces. While at first this seems like an innocent way for men to appear chauvinistic and demonstrate their lack of social etiquette, this question may have a more nefarious purpose. Continuing our How to Talk to Women series, we play out a scene on how this could all go down:
Scene: 11pm, groovy night spot. Not too crowded but not too empty. Music not too loud. Then the male appears, too hype
Male: Hey girl can I get your number?
Female: Eww, I don’t give out my phone number to just anybody.
Male: Phone number? What? I wasn’t asking for your phone number.
Female: Then what were you asking for?
Male: I was wondering if I could have your social security number.
Female: What?
Male: I’m also gonna need your mom’s maiden name, the name of your first pet and favorite color.
Female: Are you trying to steal my identity? Hey Rebecca, check this out, this dude’s trying to steal my identity.
Male: It was that obvious huh?
Female: clear as day.
Bartender: Hey it’s you! What did I tell you about coming in here, you can’t keep getting drunk and trying to steal people’s identities.
Male: I know I know, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.
Bartender: Ladies, I apologize. A few months back this guy stole my identity and celebrated Christmas with my family. My family wouldn’t believe it wasn’t me because he knew the name of the elementary school I attended.
Rebecca: Your parents can’t recognize their own son?
Bartender: Both my parents have prosopagnosia so we are very informational based. It’s the only way to properly identify one another.
Female: What the hell is going on right now? I have Mase with me. You better go, buddy.
Male: Hah! Mace, I’m not afraid of mace.
Bartender: It’s true, I’ve watched him build up a tolerance.
Female: Not mace. Mase!
Mase: Can’t nobody hold me down!
Male: Oh my god! It’s Mase! Do you still hang out with Mr. Diddy?
Mase puts his hand on the man’s shoulder
Mase: Look, you don’t want to steal people’s identities. In my experience, the more money you come across, the more problems you have.
Male looking back to the female
Male: Look, do you ever think about how hard life is? Constant work, budgeting and barely getting by. Nowadays just watching the news can traumatize us. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if someone just assumed your identity? You would be free!
Mase: That’s a good point, that’s why I became a preacher.
Female: Mase! You’re siding with him. You’re supposed to be on my side! Vanquish him!
Mase pulls out a medieval mace and chases the male out of the bar. The female continues to sip on her syrup
Bartender: Hey can I get your number?
Female: How dare you!
Bartender: I need your membership number so I can apply your discount
Female: Oh, yeah. Well, it’s 3212333 – 222,399 -3212333 – 322321
Bartender: Wow, you memorized that?
Female: Yeah, it’s how you play Mary had a little lamb on the old house phones.
Rebecca: Hey can I get your number?
Female: Seriously! You too Becky!
Rebecca: I’m ordering us an uber and I can’t remember your street number.
Female: -_-