There are four major events that shaped the year 2002. The Euro was adopted as the official currency of 12 members of the European Union, The Mars Odyssey probe found signs of water on Mars, Kelly Clarkson won the first American Idol Contest and the biggest event of all, the movie Hot Chick starring Robert Schneider took the world by storm.
For those poor souls that have not seen Hot Chick here is a synopsis:
A spoiled senior in high school played by Rachel McAdams steals a pair of ancient cursed earrings which you can pretty much find at any Hot Topic. Rob Schneider’s character, Clive Maxtone finds himself in possession of one of the earrings after a small mishap. Rachel McAdams is magically switched into Rob Schneider’s body. Comedy and life lessons ensue as a human female teenager must learn how to navigate life in the body of a middle-aged human male.
Here’s the movie we didn’t see, a middle-aged degenerate robs a convenience store, puts on an earring and turns into a 17-year-old girl. This 40-year-old man girl hits the ground running, rolls with it, takes advantage of this insane opportunity to solicit sex and rob men in alleys while also working at a strip club.
Who is this man who can turn into a young girl unphased? What has he seen in life? Where has he been and what has he done? Hot Chick needs a prequel following the life of Clive Maxtone.
Of course, it is assumed this was the true intent of the movie. At surface level it seemed like a happy go lucky comedy, fun for the whole family as long as your whole family was over the age of 13 because of the PG-13 rating. However, under the surface was the dark side of Hot Chick. The dark side that showcased a man who has spent decades at rock bottom and built his home there like a hermit crab. At rock bottom, life throws anything and everything your way. So when you’re turned into a female teenager, whatever, this might as well be happening…
Critics of course failed to see this depth. Some unknown critic named Roger Ebert said, “It is too vulgar for anyone under 13, and too dumb for anyone over 13.” And a one Richard Roeper said, “It’s in color.”
The current year is 2020. Society has grown boring and dull in the perfect utopia the future has become. In two years that will all change.
The year 2022 will mark the 20-year anniversary of the movie Hot Chick and also, if my gypsy consultants are right, it will mark the release of the Hot Chick prequel, The Life of Clive Maxtone. A movie that mirrors the dark side of all our souls. A movie of sin and debauchery the likes of which we haven’t seen since Nero burned Rome while playing a fiddle.