There has never been a good way to test your fitness routine to see if you’re really getting the results you want. Until now!
I introduce to you Trial by Combat. The new way to prove those aren’t just glamour muscles underneath that shirt. You can start seeing results and bruises as early as your first trial.
How does the program work you ask? It’s simple! Commit a crime and turn yourself in. For beginners we suggest a simple misdemeanor. Here’s some ideas on how to get started:
-In Florida it is illegal to have sex with a porcupine
-In Georgia you may not carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket on a Sunday
-In Indiana you may not catch a fish (maybe Phish?) with your bare hands
-In North Carolina drunk bingo is banned
There are many more options and we suggest finding the best one that suits you and your talents. Now when in front of the judge remember to plead ‘not guilty’ and to request trial by combat. Proper stretching is a must. Don’t want to pull a hammy.
But wait, there’s more! If you’re first trial by combat doesn’t go as planned you’ll be given free room and board in prison and plenty of opportunities for combat practice to prepare for your next challenge.
Our trial by combat program is a great way to prove yourself and relieve some of that toxic aggression and frustration. Don’t take our word for it though. 9 out of 10 doctors agree: “It’s 4am how did you get into my home?” The other doctor has a really good home security system.
Also, please note that this new fitness craze does not work properly if you hire a champion to fight in your place.
Be aware that court represented champions you will be fighting against are mostly ex professional fighters. If you have not trained properly there is the chance your trial by combat may unfold similar to the tribal fight in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. With you being Ace complete with spears in the legs. “It’s in the bone.”
Call now for a consultation to start your free trial by combat.