There’s a saying. Two birds with one stone. Meaning you accomplished two tasks with a single effort usually with some skill and finesse. So if we take this saying literally we have to remove the easy scenarios such as killing two penguins by dropping a boulder on them. I mean their knees evolved to be inside their body, if there were ever an opportune moment to hit two birds with a single rock it would be with penguins. So we should assume the birds from the saying are agile and that the stone isn’t a boulder but rather capable of being thrown in your hand. In this scenario hitting two flying birds with a single throw of a stone is the greatest achievement humanity could ever hope to accomplish. In fact using this saying is demeaning to the feat itself because nothing you did is as incredible as hitting two birds with a single stone. While this has yet to be accomplished there are some honorable mentions of those that have tried and come close.
In 2001 professional baseball pitcher Randy Johnson led his team to a World Series victory but that didn’t matter because early in the year he made a bird explode. At the prime of his career Randy could throw a fastball at 102 MPH. It took the baseball less than .4 seconds to travel from pitcher’s hand to catcher’s glove. Then one day the ball never made it to the catcher. A swooping bird ended up directly in the path of the ball and exploded on contact. It’s unfortunate that there were no remains besides a poof of feathers or surviving family members because this journalist believes this bird may have been demonstrating suicidal tendencies or maybe just an adrenaline junkie.
The perfect pitch timed to hit a swooping bird all in less than .4 seconds. The chances of this event occurring are 84 million to 1. AND THAT’S JUST FOR ONE BIRD! This saying wants you to hit two birds! I’m so glad you were able to stop by the post office AND get your dry cleaning in one trip but it’s very condescending to say you killed two birds with one stone as if your story was even in the same ballpark, same galaxy even.
In 1999 the model Fabio had a bold approach of substituting his face for a stone thinking if he could keep his eyes on the target there’s no way he could fail. Fabio was able to hit a single goose using this method but sacrificed his nose in the process. This whole endeavor took place on a rollercoaster because Fabio needed the speed of the amusement park ride to hit the bird with a strong enough impact. By the time he got off the ride his face was a bloody mess. While his effort was admirable it was still only a single bird.
Hitting two birds with a single stone remains an elusive goal to this day but that has not stopped people from trying. Since humanity has existed we have asked ourselves why? What’s the purpose of life? Why are we here? We still haven’t figured out our true purpose but in the meantime we might as well practice throwing some stones at flying birds to gain a healthy sense of futility.