Popularized by John Lyly in his Anatomy of Wit, it is common knowledge nowadays that all is fair in love and war. To extend this logic, Valentine’s Day is an ode to psychological warfare. And who better to take advantage of war than entrepreneurs.
Business Idea #1
Women love chivalry, most of the codes of chivalry involve fighting and defending people’s honor. Offer a service in which men hire you to meet them at a restaurant or public place of their choosing for you to start lewdly hitting on their girl. You arm yourself with such lines as, “hey sweet cheeks, why not ditch the loser and spend the night with a real man,” or “hey girl, I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty, you see I’m a man of commitment.” Then the gentleman caller steps in to defend his woman’s honor. Verbally of course. Unless he pays extra for the deluxe service which allows him one free slap before he must check himself before wrecking himself.
Business Idea #2
If they’re having trouble breaking up with their significant other you become that final straw that breaks the camel’s back. For this service you storm into a fine dining establishment, look at their significant other and say, “wow, so the other day meant nothing to you!” Then storm out thus providing the perfect excuse for the other party to end the relationship. Because who would want to date a cheater?
Business Idea #3
Similar to idea #1 but instead of being a hero for your girl, she gets to witness you be a hero to a stranger. This service creates a scenario in which the gentleman caller must save you while his shawty watches his heroic feats of bravery. You could be drowning in a river because you don’t know how to swim, if you have an unpaid intern, one of you could be beating up the other before the hero steps in, or you could pretend to choke so the hero performs the Heimlich. There are many variations to this service, adjust your prices accordingly.
Business Idea #4
Make a reservation for 2 at a fine dining establishment. Bring a framed picture that can be propped on the table across from you, in the frame is a beautiful woman. Where you get this picture is up to your discretion but feel free to use the stock photo that came in the frame. While sipping on your glass of wine and wistfully sighing as loud as possible say things to the neighboring table like, “this was her favorite wine,” or “we always came to this restaurant on Valentine’s Day,” or “I didn’t know a single scorpion sting could kill a person so quickly…” This method requires creative license but if all goes well, to demonstrate his compassionate heart, the gentleman caller next to you will pay for your meal.
As one of the most commercialized holidays of the Willenium, Valentine’s Day is ripe for opportunity. The entrepreneurs out there should be shaking with wanton eagerness to capitalize on the love and war of those seeking romance. Carpe Diem! To quote John Lyly one last time, “Cupid’s economy is as vast as his dominion.”